really am

to all you guys I hurt in so many ways
please believe me

valentine's still sux

ok... so ya sé que valentine's no es about giving stuff... quien no ha dicho eso antes? Valentine's day is not about flowers and candy and huge teddy bears.... it's not about glitter and hollow messages... pero por DIOS.... no lo trate como cualquier dia con su novia (a menos que usted sea un maniatico del romance y TODOS los dias del mundo exprese al 100% sus sentimientos)

I mean.. c'mon...
I wasn't expecting any gifts, eso es verdad, pero I wasn't expecting no-gifts-at-all either.
I made an awesome card for my fiance with a portrait of us (maybe I'll post some pics) and gave him a bailye's (he loves it) with 2 beautiful cups and made him a very romantic dinner (with canddles and all that jazz).... it was all so movie-like.... I've never done stuff like that, I don't really love VD.. but I know he does so I made it VERY VERY movie-like (maybe I'll post pics of the table too) Everything was beautiful. HICIMOS UN BRINDIS CON FRESITA!!!

He didn't get anything for me... I'm not mad... I'm not sad... I knew he wouldn't. But I guess I wanted to know what it feels like to have someone do all I did for me. PLUS this is the guy I'm getting married to... I can't be mad cuz he is romantic all year long... but I am still a girl and I like corny stuff too!!

well I dunno... I guess I am sad deep inside... cuz every guy's baby got at least a heart shaped card...

see?? this is why I hate valentines day....

Ok... maniana es dia de San Valentin... para mi eso nunca significo nada... pero supongo que el amor pone loca a cualquiera.... tengo todo un plan.
Voy a hacer maravillas!! Voy a sentirme como una princesa de pelicula!! Todo será lo más romantico del mundo... y valdra la pena pq lo hare todo por mi prometido... (ya estoy sonando bien cursi... pero asi es la vida).
*^_^* solo pensar en verle la cara de sorpresa y de emoción me acelera un poco...
ok.. cuento... yo odio cocinar... LO ODIO.... pero cocino muy bien, siempre lo supe... so voy a sacrificarme un poco para hacer una cena muy delicada y romantica y cursi con velas y todo lo demas... le compre un regalito too... so... u know... esto va a ser lindo.

any way... les deseo a todos un hermoso dia de san Valentin!!! (asi como será el mio!)

for the lovers...
for the true friends...
for the long-time partners...
for the little children and their mommies...
for those loving sisters...
for the very close cousins...
for our grams...
for the secret admirers...
for the teenagers crushes...
Mom & Dad...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

me killan vol. II

jevi, vamo con lo que me enfogona parte 2....

• me killa ma kel diablo eto tiguere ke se creen ke tan demasiadisimo bueno y ke ute obligao tiene ke ta dando aco por ello y vienen con un espectaculo a kerer tratarte como una mierda..... no mi hermano, no, haga el favor de venir al mundo real donde UTE e una mierda viva.
• me killan full la gente ke se hacen pasar por lo mejore amigo y los ke mas confianza uno le tiene y te llenan la cabeza de mariposita de colore dicendote to esa sica de "siempre estare ahi... blah blah blah" y vienen y te dan esa saca de pie asi de la nada..... vayase a juga con su moco ante ke conmigo pana
• ME KILLAN LA MARDITA GENTE INDIFERENTE que actuan como si na le jiede ni le huele y creen que eso e lo ma cool, ello nama importan y el resto del mundo que se joda.... PUES NO! con esa actitud ute ej el meno impoltante.. bebase un trago de humilda al'fabol.
• me killa demasiado que cuando uno viene a hacerse el buena gente con alguien a quien le ha hecho el fo por siglos venga ese pendejo a subirse a una nube y a querer aquerosia a uno hablando mielda.... no ombe no.. vaya a arracase el ombligo, vaya, que yo se que le hace falta.
• me killan lo exnovio ke creen ke todavia tienen alguna fuerza por encima de una... va pa la mielda, si ute cago su chance, ya lo cago, ya vayase de ahi... LO CA GOOO.
• me killan lo recuerdo inoportuno ke le llegan a uno cuando uste la ta pasando de lo ma mejol... y cogen y sabotean todo el plan del dia............. *snif*
• me killa muchisimo ir al cine y matame con 8 gente por entrar primero a la sala para coger mi asiento favortio y ke JUSTO cuando sale la mujer de la antorcha y suenan la musikita ke apaga las luces viene estre GIGANTON a sentasele alante a uno..... ke vaina, una gana de arrempujalo ke me dan.... eso me pasa por enana.
• me killa full cuando uno se pasa la maniana entera fantaseando con una empanada (o lo que sea) de las mas buenas del mundo, soniando con ella, vuelto loco con su aroma, su sabor unico, su textura y temperatura perfecta... aaaaaahhhhh ^-^ mmm!... y cuando llega el momento de darle la primera mordida (se me hace agua la boca) se escucha una voz penetrante que sabe al limon mas agrio del mundo diciendo "dame un chin" -_-' COOOOOOO....
• (para las chicas) DIO MIO ETO SI ME KILLA!! cuando uno tiene planeando el evento del milenio por 6 mese y tiene todo listo... y todo parece estar perfecto y todo sera MARAVILLOSO!!... ese dia por la maniana... PUFF! como arte de magia llega nuestra amiga, sin previo aviso, una semana antes de lo acordado... y llega companiada de su grandisima hermana (mas crecida que nunca) Dolores....... &#!#*$%&^%#@!#$%
• ME KILLA QUE ME COJAN LAS COSAS SIN PERMISO!!!!!
• me killa la gente que te hacen una vaina KE KILLA y se hacen pa colmo la victima... y como si fuera poco se tiran al frente a decrile a todo el mundo que TU hiciste tal cosa o que TU dijiste tal cosa...... y esa vaina? pero ta loco eh?
• me killan lo pana que van a cruza una calle y se te tiran arriba del carro practicamente... pq como ello tan hecho de titanio que ni una patana a 1000km/h puede con ello... Y PA COLMO SE QUILLAN CUANDO UNO FRENA DE GOLPE! y empiezan a echa maldicione..... si no fuera que yo se que me van a ensucia el carro me lo llevara a to!!
• Y LO MOTORITA??? ni voy a habla de motorita pq ahi si e verda que me tienen que mete presa... a eso tiguere lo persigo yo pa aunke sea dale un empujoncito.
• me killan la pelicula mala... ME KILLAN LA PELICULA MALAAAAA!!! cuando uno va al cine y gata to su dinero (pq yo soy una ruyia que no trabajo) en compra la takilla y el popcorn y quema la ropa en una pelicula que tienen anunciando el verano entero, y que parece la mejor pelicula del mundo.... y cuando la ve.... ay dios mioooo.... lo trailer eran la unica parte buena, y ni eso.... ay dios mioooo.... ME KILLAN LO CLAVO!!!
• me killan lo viejo ignorante que por cosa de la vida siempre tan junto y vienen y te dicen una cosa, y tu de buena gente va dike "no, don, eso no e asi..." y tratas de explicarle... y cogen y se empiezan a rei de ti dike ke tu no sabe de la vida, que eso e en lo muñequito ETC..... va pa la mielda viejo 'el diab...
• AAAYYYY CUANTO ME KILLA... que tapen la cocacola mal!! (si es que la tapan) y cuando uno viene a bebese su rica y negrita cocacolita fria..... NO TIENE GAS!!! Y SABE A ICE TEA!!!! andaldiaaaaa....... no no no no no no no.... eso e un abuso.
• me quillan la gente con la que tu no habla, nunca has hablado y nunca te interesara hablar pq chopo que son y te saltan dike "me tienes botado"... -_-' no relaje!

Ya ta bueno... por ahora...

nani ga ai nano ka??

while chatting today con mis amigos I came to this one phrase.... Imma paste it here


* BabyHood * I blog you dice:
kiero un amor eterno
Asturiana...Dios sobre todas las cosas...carpentina dice:
eterno
* BabyHood * I blog you dice:
si
Asturiana...Dios sobre todas las cosas...carpentina dice:
amor eterno
Asturiana...Dios sobre todas las cosas...carpentina dice:
amor eterno as in... all your life?
* BabyHood * I blog you dice:
beyond life
Asturiana...Dios sobre todas las cosas...carpentina dice:
eso es lo que quiero
* BabyHood * I blog you dice:
*sigh*
Asturiana...Dios sobre todas las cosas...carpentina dice:
pero... how can you know?
Asturiana...Dios sobre todas las cosas...carpentina dice:
(por cierto whats dreams may come es demasiado apera )
* BabyHood * I blog you dice:
(siii lo mejor)
* BabyHood * I blog you dice:
well mira... yo odio cuando la gente dice "you just know"
Asturiana...Dios sobre todas las cosas...carpentina dice:
exacto
Asturiana...Dios sobre todas las cosas...carpentina dice:
yo pensaba k tu me ibas a decir eso ahora mimo
* BabyHood * I blog you dice:
pero supongo ke es como la muerte... nadie sabe ke es amar/ morir hasta ke le pasa



a mi no me gusta hablar de amor... it sux.... pero esa frase (no se de donde me salio) me impresiono bastante

Angels

life's odd, ain't it? I never ever thought I'd be blessed in so many ways... I'm not too much of a catholic... but I have to admit that big guy up there went over himself with these gifts he's given me... I could ask for nothing else (as a matter a fact I don't). I'd like to tell you about one of my biggestest blessing...

She's my own personal angel. she came one day into my life, I'm not sure when, and saved me from drowning (kinda corny, I know). I owe myself to her, I'll be in debt forever. But I never realized I loved her so (it's like I fell for her without noticing) till one day she came to me with battered wings. She'd recieved such stroke... while too busy caring for everyone else's sake she neglected her own back... and some heartless fool made his way through her deepest loving soul. And I was so blind not to see it in her eyes. She came to me half broken and I felt something in me burst into a million pieces. Every trear drop rolling down her face build up anger and hate in me and I couldn't bare the impotence I felt not being able to mend her wounds. That's when it got to me, she's mine to look after. God sent this one perfect angel down to show me life and I could not let her hurt.. never again she could feel such pain.

Angels fall every day for us useless mortal beings, but who ever falls for them?
You might know her... some people call her by her human name, Monica... but to us who know her true identity, she's Nana

back back back... way back

Before the Internet & text messaging.
Before Sidekicks & iPods.
Before MIKE JONESSS
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.
Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.
WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.
When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.
When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.
Way back.
Tag. Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.
Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.
Red Light, Green Light.
Heads Up 7 Up.
Playing Kickball & Dodgeball until your porch light came on.
Hopskotch.
Slip-n-Slides.
Tree Houses.
Hula Hoops.
Reading R.L.
Stine's Goose Bumps.
The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.
Running through the sprinklers.
Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.
Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.
Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car.
Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"
Wait.
Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.
Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.
The original Power Rangers Or what about: The Secret Life of Alex Mac.
Ren & Stimpy. Double Dare. Rocko's Modern Life.
AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS. Wild & Crazy Kids. Clarissa Explains it All.
Salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA) Are You Afraid of the Dark?
The original cast members of all that.
Kenan & Kel. doug. magic school bus. flash forward. pete and pete.
Legends of the hidden temple. hey dude. dinosaurs. pinky and the brain.
Blossom. hangin with mr.copper. wishbone. bill-nye the science guy.
Kablamm.
Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jenie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.
Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.
Or nick jr. with face gulah gulah island
When a screw was a screw
When a coke was a coke
Little bear under the unbrella tree
The busy world of richard scary
The adventures of winnie the pooh
Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.
Class field trips.
POGS
When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.
When crack's what you were doing when you were cracking jokes
When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.
When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.
When Toys R Us overuled the mall.
The wind was all that blew
When you said i'm down with that it meant you had the flu
Back when a hoe was a hoe
Go back to the time when Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'
When a home was a home
'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.
It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.
Being old referred to anyone over 20.
A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.
Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.
When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.
When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
When Lisa Frank was the raddest thing ever.
When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.
When coupons collected all year could get you a prize in your class auction.
When the only thing you cried over was your mom being late to pick you up.
When stress was addition and subtraction.
When friendships were as complicated as who's house to sleep over and who's to TP
When shaving cream was just meant for play.
When a first kiss only lead to cooties.
When valentines day meant cards for all.
When birthdays were a class event.
When a friend moving away was the saddest day of your life.
Who would have thought youd miss the 80's and 90's so much??

how Jonny bEcame Jonny

My one big fear (true fear) is to be rejected. Rejected among the ppl I love, that is. Being with LosQueNo I never fear that, though I've felt it once or twice... it ended up quite well xD
We were away on our end-of-school trip. Long before we became LosQueNo. I didn't have a lot of friends (real ones) back at school... and I still don't (but I got the best ones in the whole wide world). So I kinda used to hang around Jonny and his pals like a fly around lamb chops... So one afternoon I was bored stiff and decided to go an knock on Jonny's room... hang (like a fly) but Jonny said they were watching something on tv and I couldn't hang out with them... I didn't quite get it, but he said the had this weird-ass agreement where there were no gurlz allowed in the room... I understood, but felt like SHIT, so I layed off and blinked back a tear or two. He said something as I walked away but I was to busy choking sobs to understand it... I whipped off my tears quickly, before anyone could see me, and started walking straight again till I felt better... I ran into Flo and we went for a bite, then we went to our rooms. After dinner that day we hanged @ the beach and I learned that all that "no-grlz-agreement" WAS A LODE OF CRAP!!!!!!!!..... so I felt more like shit... so I guessed it was the thought of spending another second with me (the fly) that made them (Jonny) sick. I felt something inside of me fall a million miles and break into dust, then I felt this HUGE sword stab my guts out. I tried to choke those sobs again and blink back all those tears, but I felt so rejected I couldn't keep it in. I pulled Jonny aside and said I was so sorry to be such a pain in the ass and that I never meant trouble, but to be his friend and part of his world... I don't think he understood it all cuz at that point I could barely speak (I cry bout most everything). *odd silence* then he said not to be silly and that if he didn't like me he wouldn't even speak to me, and he said he loved me in his own weird way even if I had wax all over my braces... (I had braces back then, and wax over them). I fell in love with that moment and I fell in love with my friend.. I still can't believe I have such a great friend and I thank God every day for him... He really is the best

just me!

Dios mio ke buena es la malta morena :p~

pue si... tengo una presentacion en estos dias de belly dance.. estoy super nerviosa... subire fotos...
y hablando de fotos... tengo fotos interesantes

no se... por cosa de la vida yo naci anormal....
mi mami siempre me decia ke ponerme de cabeza todo el tiempo me haria mal... solo ke no pense ke me haria tanto mal!

voy a retomar esto I guess... tenia desde enero sin tocar el blog.... pero... aki vamos....

no voy a escribir mucho pq me estoy haciendo pipi.... so, I'll be quick... en resumen lo ke ha pasado en estos largos meses.... I left my hubbie.... ha sido duro... pero I'm tough enough to get through it... I hope

I lost my best friends, o por lo menos me he visto alejada de ellos, so I've had no one to talk to about all this shit... pero he conocido personas nuevas ke me han llegado a ayudar bastante.

La uni ta ahi, bien... y yo... I'll be ok....

nOw yOu're herE, but are yOu rEally?

I was supposed to count on you... you were supposed to be my friend.... friends help each other through tough times... well, this is the hardest I'll ever have to go through, and were are you?

why did you have to make me believe I was really a friend to you? why did you make me think i could actually count on you?... oh really? can I?... well if I can count on you then how come I'm here all by myself crying my eyes out everynight and not having a single soul to tell it too? how come I'm so lost if you are reaching out for me? how come I feel so alone if you are there for me?

why? why?... why did you have to fool me into trusting you? why did you have to leave me right now?... now when I need a shoulder to cry on... why?.... sure, between your girlfriend and your long lost pal where would I fit?... I simply don't and now I'm out on my own... right now... specially now.... it isn't my place to be anymore, eventhough u promised to stay by my side....

I needed you now.. I needed a hand to hold mine, eyes to look into, arms to pull me up......
just..... broken

once upon a time

once upon a thousand dreams there was this girl called Dee.... she had one best friend... or so she thought.... they would hang out everyday and they would talk about most everything and laugh too... then this one day something horrible happened to Dee..... she got so depressed she could hardly wake up every morning.... suddenly her whole world came tumbling down and she found herself all alone... but then... it came to her... her friend.... she called him up knowing he could make it all better with just a few words.... but he wasn't to be found... he was too busy to help her out.... he had new friends... he'd already got himself a girlfriend and his old pal was back in town, so now there wasn't much he could need from Dee....
the words between them became fewer and eventually he forgot all about Dee....

Dee's agony grew bigger each hour and the pain of a tragic loss mixed with a heart broken one too many times started to fade her away.... her wounds were never healed and all that she had left behind for her once good friend were now vanished...

time went by and no one saw Dee again.... but I do.....

A mEss...

para mi es como si el mundo estuviese parado... ke mas da? se me pasan los dias y ni cuenta me estoy dando... o sea.. ke es esto?? el dia de mi cumpleanios cogi una manzana de la mesa para comermela, pero cambie de opinion cuando entre a mi habitacion...

.. al sol de hoy esta la manzana sentada al lado de mi tv mirandome..... ke nunca la voy a sacar de ahi?

me paso el dia sin hacer nada... me aburro hasta de comer... si es ke alguna vez me da con comer...
ya casi son las 12...

es tan poco lo ke hice hoy ke ni me moleste en ponerme los lentes de contacto cuando me levante... estoy ke me despierto a las 12 o a la 1 de la tarde como muy temprano... no como hasta las 5... y luego no kiero cenar...

mis amigos (si es ke lo son) me han faltado... crei ke seria diferente... pero.... por lo menos un amigo tengo... aunke no sea en las mejores condiciones....

help

today's my bd... I don't really feel like celebrating... I wish everyone just forgot....but I guess they won't... I hadn't post anything in quite some time... xmas pretty much sucked.... I almost split my wrists when I saw all the kids all over town playing with their brand new toys and then I saw all of Marie's presents under the tree... I feel like dying when I think of it... I miss her so...

I asked her if she wanted me to call santa and tell him to bring her toys early... but she refused... she said it was unfair to make the old man come all the way from the north pole just for her.... it killed me.... I miss her so much....

new years sucked too... everyone was all into fireworks and parties... and I didn't even wanna talk to anyone... I fell asleep on a couch.... the worse part is I have 2 little cousins... a 4 year old and a 5 year old.... they kept on asking me if Marie would come...

anyway... some of my friends came tonight... I guess it went ok... they were into parties.. but I just tried to hang in there.... I get through taking some pills my doctor recomended....

...

no se ni como voy a publicar esto... no se sikiera como consegui las fuerzas para levantarme de mi cama esta mañana...

Marie...

hace 4 años, 4 meses y 10 dias me sente en la sala de espera de un hospital y vi como lo mas hermoso jamas creado abria sus ojitos hacia un nuevo mundo.... mi mundo.... conoci a Marie... instantaneamente entendi ke era mi labor mostrarle todo lo maravilloso de la vida a Marie... y sostener su mano cuando conociera lo espantoso... un solo vistazo a su pequeño cuerpo encogido me hizo entender que toda mi vida era para ella.... en ese instante entendi que nada vale mas... me puse a sus pies...... me pueden acusar de poner en pausa mi vida solo para ella..... vivir solo para ella....

hace 7 dias me sente nuevamente a los pies de Marie... una vez mas en la cama de un hospital... pero su pequeño cuerpo ahora estirado... sus ojos esta vez se cerraban... y todo aquello que imagine tan maravilloso se perdio en mi mirada... ver su cuerpecito inanimado ante mi sin poder hacer nada fue lo mas semejante a cavar mi propia tumba...


tuve lo mejor que podria existir... nadie podria soñar con compararse a mi Marie.... para que darme la gloria solo para ver como me es arrebatada? ya se que la vida no es justa... pero pq debe ser cruel?.... 4 años no basta.. no es suficiente... no alcanza

que se hace cuando se pierde la razon de vivir?

a fool AGAIN... goddamnit

4u

resulta ke yo soy una idiota mentirosa e irresponsable como yo sola... no me digas... resulta ke yo me paso la vida creyendome ke puedo confiar en ti y cuando doy la espalda ruedas los ojos... resulta coño ke yo soy una mierda para ti....
ke tanto planeabas seguir haciendome creer ke eres mi amigo? para ke diablos me preocupo tanto por ti y por kedarte bien y pq estemos bien??
a mi ta coño bueno ke me pase por seguir creyendo ke la gente cambia.... y mas todavia yo sintiendome orgullosa de tener una amistad como casi nadie tiene... hasta feliz me senti... no joda... yo odio sentirme como una idiota y tu coño... cuantas van? pero apuntalo, ke te juro ke ya no mas.....

o sea, como es posible? yo abriendole mi baul mas secreto a un tipo ke cree ke yo soy una mierda, ke no sirvo para nada.... pero coño, coño, coño... yo no se ke diablos pasa conmigo ke por alguna razon divina vuelvo a confiar en ti....
pero nada... today someone broke my bubble.... y entiendo ke es lo ke soy para ti... nada...

pero se ke es mi culpa... you look down on me cuz I've set you too far up......... stay away now...




grandes, como te gustan las letras...